If the global crisis continues, by the end of the year, only two Banks will be operational, the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank Logically….
Those 2 banks will merge and will be called “The Bloody Fucking Bank” .

A little kid asks his father:
-”Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”
-”Both son. God is both.”
After awhile the kid comes again and asks:
-”Daddy, is God black or white?”
-”Both son, both.”
-”Daddy, does God love children?”
-”Yes son, he loves all children.”
The child returns a few minutes later and says:
-”Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.
- “You know what?” says the 6-year-old,
- “I think it’s about time we start cussing.”
The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues.
- “When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m going to say hell and you say ass.”
- “OK!” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast.
- “Aw hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts
- “You can just stay there till I let you out!”
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice,
- “And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “But you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
Replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas

A Jewish woman says to her mother, “I’m divorcing Sheldon ! All he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece.” Mother says “You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $1000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents ! Are you crazy?